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| i know i've said before that i was going to kill my livejournal, but this time, it's for real. i'll end by giving whoever still follows this lj a quick rundown on what i've been up to as a sort of final hurrah. i'm going to keep the lj in order to keep up with friends who regularly update, specifically those i have a harder time keeping in touch through other means of correspondence. i turned 26 this past january. i just received my mfa in visual studies and my thesis project was an artist's book and a series of four drawings. the book consists of a single, continuous parts poem intercut with photographs. half of the four drawings are digital, the other half traditional paper and pencil. for the past two years, i've been living in portland, but will be moving to new york city this july. i am in a long distance relationship. my girlfriend is lovely, intelligent, talented, and sensitive. we met in september of last year. the relationship became long distance in january. i'm pretty happy. i know this because i feel like i never have enough time to be doing all the things i want to do. i'm writing again as a result of gaining confidence, reading more, receiving the proper encouragement from those i respect. i now understand my visual work much more clearly, which has facilitated its growth and rapid cultivation during my time in graduate school. i've experienced the transcendent bliss and ecstasy of seeing/holding a piece of finished, successful work of my own making. another person could never grant me that kind of satisfaction as that highly private sense of completion originates from an alien realm to which only i have access. connectivity and synchronicity, as well as responsibility and flexibility, have contributed to my personal maturation. i make better decisions these days, but i've also come to realize that i'm far happier when i'm less judgmental and more generous in my dealings with other people. there's beauty in the complexity of things, and i've just begun to navigate when to relinquish control when there are larger forces at play, but also when to stand my ground and uphold my own principles. i'm less afraid of re-orienting myself when the situation calls for it. i'm less devastated by my own fuck ups, but no longer make mistakes just for the sake of possessing something under the guise of personal autonomy. i'm always grateful, especially to my friends and family who, for some odd reason, stuck with me during the times when i found myself to be a totally unpalatable being. but i've stopped questioning the motives of those who love me. i want to be supportive of everyone i care about, not in the sense of checks and balances (since obligatory egalitarianism isn't love), but because, ultimately, i feel pure, unadulterated, inexplicable love and affection towards those in question. i'm excited. i'd say i was tired, but i'm not. the fatigue is just an inevitable side effect of this particular kind of excitement. for a long time, i tried to make things happen, sometimes in the worst possible ways, just to experience some semblance of propulsion. that isn't the case now, though i understand that whatever bad choices i made in the past helped to bring about the transition from the forced into the natural. anyway, my brain and heart are peaking in activity and as a result, i feel beautifully young. not green, just young, in motion and moving. so, ciao. y'all know my e-mail address, y'all know how to reach me. here's my website. go check out my work. <3 syd  | ||||||||
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bloodjetpoetry's journal
